Anything Goes Silliness
by Jeremy Harper
Summary: Silly little shorts from Nerima ward.
1. Chapter 1

Anything Goes Silliness

by

Jeremy Harper

Disclaimer – Ranma ½ is the creation of Rumiko Takahashi and is used without permission.

I

"Really, Ranma, it's not so bad," said Kasumi. The amusement tugging at the corners of her mouth threatened to transform her usual serene smile into a grin. Ranma just grumbled in response. "It's also healthier for you to have them," she continued.

"Yeah, Saotome," chimed in Nabiki. "Plus you look almost half-way intelligent this way."

Ranma glared at the middle Tendo sister then scowled down at the floor. "This ain't fair," he muttered. "I got my hair from my mother. I got my build from my mother. I got my looks from my mother. So why did I have to get _this_ one thing from my Old Man?"

Akane giggled and favored her fiance with an affectionate smile. "I don't know why you're complaining, Ranma. It's fixed the problem you've been having. Besides, you sort of look cute in glasses."


	2. Chapter 2

Anything Goes Silliness

by

Jeremy Harper

Disclaimer – Ranma ½ is the creation of Rumiko Takahashi and is used without permission.

II

"Will you quit yelling at me!" Ranma shouted at Akane. "It's not like I want Shampoo hanging all over me!"

"Yet you still let her do it!" Akane shouted back. "Worse yet, you ate the bowl of ramen she brought. Don't you have any shame?"

"Hey, it was free food and I was hungry. It'd have been a waste not to eat it. What do you care, anyway?"

"I don't care!"

"Then why are you so mad?" Ranma blinked. "Wait a minute..." He zipped behind Akane and with the heel of his palm gently tapped her on the rear. Akane squeaked, jumping on the tips of her toes and blushing tomato red, her hands covering her behind. She spun around to slap her fiance silly, but for some reason could not. She blinked several times in confusion then let out a huff of breath. She was still upset with Ranma, but her hot anger had evaporated.

A huge grin split Ranma's face. "Hot damn! The Old Ghoul wasn't lying – that anger release pressure point really does work!"

Akane gave him a dirty look. "That's not fair, Ranma."

"Don't care!" he sing-songed back. Akane let out a loud 'humph' and walked away with as much dignity as she could muster, nose held high in the air. Ranma laughed. "This is great. No more tomboy temper tantrums!"

**WHAM!**

Ranma groaned from beneath the blade of an oversized spatula.

"Ran-chan!" shrieked Ukyo. "What are you doing goosing Akane? I'm your cute fiancee – you're suppose to be goosing _me!_"

"Saotome, you fiend! How dare you so blatantly molest the beauteous Akane Tendo. I, Tatewaki Kuno, will bring you to justice!"

"Hey Ranma," called out Nabiki, waving a digital camera, "I've got a picture I think my dad and your parents would really like to see. How much will you pay for me to delete it?"

"I can't win," moaned Ranma.


	3. Chapter 3

Anything Goes Silliness

by

Jeremy Harper

Disclaimer – Ranma ½ is the creation of Rumiko Takahashi and is used without permission.

III

Ranma knew he was in for a long, hot day when Akane descended from her bedroom dressed like _that._

He spent much of the morning skulking in a corner of the living room, watching Akane warily as she sunned herself on the engawa, sipping lemonade as she read the new fantasy novel she had purchased yesterday. It was not as if she were wearing anything provocative or outrageous – it was, in fact, one of her go-to outfits for warm weather. The problem, however, was that this particular outfit really pushed Ranma's buttons, invoking a rather primal and gallant response that sooner or later had him seeking out the closest source of cold water so to escape both it and any angry indignation it could potentially provoke.

To repeat, Akane was not wearing anything scandalous; her top, for example, was a simple powder-blue tee shirt. Admittedly its fit was rather tight – with tight being defined as looking as if Akane had painted it onto her body. It also raised into question whether Ranma was either a liar, in need of glasses, or simply deluded when he stated his fiancee was as flat as a brick. While not as buxom as Shampoo, Akane was far from small. Happy (_very happy_) medium seemed an apt description of her charms.

But as alluring as Akane was in a clingy tee-shirt, it was not that alone which made Ranma uneasy. No, it was the combination of the tee-shirt along with shorts that really put him on edge. Denim shorts. Rather... short... denim shorts, that ended barely half-way down her thighs, showing off to wonderful effect her legs. Her toned legs... her silky, well-kept legs... which Ranma had a very hard time not gaping at... On days she wore those damn shorts, Ranma discovered he had great sympathy for Dr Tofu and his severe case of Kasumi-itis. Looking at his fiancee, Ranma found it took all of his concentration not to babble out "Akane's got _LEGS!" _at random intervals.

Ranma scowled and forced himself to look away. There should be a law against Akane wearing tee-shirts and shorts – the kind of law like those used to conceal the existence of secret weapons. If you had to deal with two blood-mad armies ready to tear each other apart, you could parade Akane between them and have every soldier on their knees in awed, enraptured adoration.

…

All right, maybe Ranma was exaggerating a little. That was probably enough to pacify a couple of battalions. For full armies, Akane would have to swap out the tee-shirt for a bikini top.

Ranma pinched his nose hard to stop the sudden rush of blood. Yeah, that image there just did _wonders_ for his self-control.

The worst thing about this entire mess was the fact that Akane had absolutely no _frickin_' clue just how vulnerable he was to her when she dressed like that. There she sat, all innocent to the fact that her simply lounging in the sun in shorts turned him into a seething cauldron of raging, delighted hormones. It was hard enough to deny her anything under ordinary circumstances; right now, if she asked him to eat a seven-course dinner perpetrated by herself, he would do so without demur.

_God,_ thought Ranma despairingly, _am I pathetic or what?_ At that point he noticed Akane looking at him curiously. His already flustered face flushed an even deeper red. He was surprised he did not burn up like a dying phoenix on the spot.

"Are you alright, Ranma?" she asked. "You seem out-of-sorts."

"I'm fine! Perfectly fine! Just peachy-keen and hunky-dory," he said brightly, forcing a frantic smile. Maybe he and the Doc could form a support group. He jumped to his feet. "Whelp, I think I'll go... do something. Anything! Yeah, that's the ticket." Ranma set out toward the bath for a date with the cold water faucet. He did not run - he had too much pride – but he did walk rather quickly. "Stupid, clueless tomboy," he muttered under his breath.

He failed to notice the pleased, knowing smile gracing Akane's lips.


	4. Chapter 4

Anything Goes Silliness

by

Jeremy Harper

Disclaimer – Ranma ½ is the creation of Rumiko Takahashi. Futari Ecchi is the creation of Katsu Aki. Both are used without permission.

With apologies to Kate Beaton.

IV

Makoto Onoda, a somewhat typical successful and prosperous salaryman, kissed his very pretty young wife Yura goodbye and left his apartment for work. Waiting at the bus stop was his very pretty new neighbor, Akane Saotome, a twenty year old newly-wed college student. She had just moved into Onoda's building this past Sunday with her husband Ranma, who was making a living as, of all things, a professional fighter. "Good morning, Onoda-san!" Akane said cheerfully.

"Good morning, Saotome-san," said Makoto as he cast an admiring eye over her. Akane was dressed in a short-sleeved white blouse, a dark-blue skirt with a hem-line just above the knee and brown strapped platform sandals. She was a very healthy young woman, trim and fit with well-toned legs and a heart-stopping smile. "Are you settled in now?"

Akane nodded. "Yes, all but for a few finishing touches. Ranma and I have been very busy these past few days."

Makoto nodded, a bit absently. His mind at times behaved like an untrained bonobo, and Akane shared a trait in common with his wife in that she could set a man's libido on fire by simply reciting from a dictionary...

_Akane gazed up at Makoto with half-closed, dewy eyes. "Yes, we've been so very busy, Onoda-san. So busy that Ranma had been too tired to make love to me, and I'm __**sooooo**__ horny." She slowly unbuttoned the top two buttons of her blouse as she spoke. Makoto's eyes were riveted to the generous cleavage she had exposed, her shapely breasts supported by a black and purple lace demi-bra. A huge grin split his face and he wiped the corner of his mouth with back of his hand. "I am in so need of relief. Could you help me with that, please?"_

_ "Of course, Tendo-san," Makoto answered gallantly. "I would be more than proud to!" Smiling happily at him, Akane took his hand and pulled him into an alleyway. Once there she began to undo his belt. "In public? Akane-san, you are so, so __**liberated!**__" Akane smiled wantonly at him, and soon they were running through the usual acts that Makoto fantasized about. We will not go into detail here, since your humble author finds the idea of writing a sex scene between Akane and this somewhat gormless individual rather unappealing. _

"Are you okay, Onoda-san?" asked Akane. "You're looking rather flushed."

Makoto blinked rapidly as he snapped out of his fantasy. "What? Oh. Yes, I'm fine. Sorry about that. There's a project starting at work that's been on my mind, recently. I sometimes get distracted." He laughed, feeling a trifle embarrassed. Akane gave him a skeptical look. "So, what is Ranma-san up to?" he asked, hoping to distract his neighbor.

"He's staying home for the week," she said. "He'll be taking care of the last few things we need to do at the apartment. He doesn't have a fight until next month, and he can take care of any current business with his manager over the phone. That suits him fine, since it gives him a chance to explore the neighborhood.

"I see..." said Makoto, feeling slightly perturbed. He was recalling the way Yura had been staring at Ranma last Sunday. It had been hot that day, and the younger man had been wearing a tight black muscle-shirt as he hauled boxes from the rental truck up to his apartment. He had never seen Yura look at another man like that before, her cheeks flushed and her eyes wide, her mouth slightly agape, looking as if she were about to lick her full lips hungrily. He had not liked it, and was in a jealous snit for the rest of the day until Yura finally placated him with sex. He, of course, did not recognize the hypocrisy of his mood, since he had stared at Akane in a similar way, she being dressed in a form-fitting golden tee-shirt and very short denim shorts. Suddenly Makoto's mind went off on another tangent.

_Yura was vacuuming the living room, humming happily to herself when someone knocked on the apartment door. "Who is it?" she called out. _

_ "It's Saotome, Onoda-san. May I come in?"_

_ "Of course. The door is unlocked."_

_ The door swung open and Ranma stood on the threshold, leaning against the frame with a roguish grin, his long pig-tail draped over one shoulder. "Hello there. I'm just going around introducing myself to my neighbors. Also, my shirt happened to fall open?" _

_ Yura stared entranced at the display of masculine comeliness and desirability flaunted before her. Her cheeks flushed a deep cherry-red and her eyes glazed over with lust. "Oh, Ranma-sama!" she cried out, bringing the back of her hand to her brow as she started to swoon. Ranma swiftly caught her before she hit the floor. She threw her arms around his broad, muscular shoulders. "Make love to me, Ranma-sama!" she begged._

_ "Of course, Yura-chan! And I will take off my shirt," said Ranma. Yura gazed up at him longingly, her eyes smoldering. _

_ And in a twenty kilometer radius of the event: _

_ Women squealing from sympathetic orgasms. "Oh, Ranma-sama!"_

_ Men going impotent, knowing they could never match Ranma's sexual prowess. "Damn you, Saotome!" _

_ It was totally awesome._

"No, it's not!" yelped Makoto in dismay.

Akane blinked at her new neighbor. "Are you sure you're all right, Onoda-san?"

"No... no. I guess I'm not, Saotome-san. I think I'll head home... I need to lie down. You have a good day at school."

"Thank you. I hope you feel better soon." She watched him walk back to the apartment building, head bowed, a dark cloud seeming to follow him. _He's a little odd,_ she thought. _Seems nice enough, though. Oh well. _She took one of her smaller textbooks from her satchel and started to review as she waited for the bus.

* * *

Author's Note: I usually ship canon couples, but frankly Futari Ecchi pushes my tolerance. I find Makoto to be a gormless idiot a lot of the time. He is better than Taku, however – it's obvious that all of Rika's taste is in her mouth, if that guy is her number one boyfriend.

Check out _Hark! A Vagrant: "Oh Mr. Darcy!" A Fan Fiction, _if you'd like to see the inspiration behind this bit of nonsense.

Take care of yourselves.


	5. Chapter 5

Anything Goes Silliness

by

Jeremy Harper

Disclaimer – The characters' in this vignette are the property of their respective owners and are used without permission. See author's note for the full disclaimer.

* * *

V

Ranma Saotome sat at the end of the dinner table, reading the sloppy scrawl of the letter in his hand for the third time, his lips pursed in a tight, pensive frown.

"You don't have to see him, if you don't want to," his guardian said from the other end of the table, the older man's tone mild and supportive.

"I know," said Ranma.

"He has no legal ties to you anymore. I saw to that. He cannot compel you to visit."

"I know."

"Yet you still want to go." This was a statement, simply spoken, neither question nor accusation.

Ranma took a deep breath and looked up from the letter. "I haven't forgiven him for throwing me in that damn pit four times over, but yet..." He hesitated, then shrugged. "He's my pop. I don't really like him, but I guess I still care for him, at least a little. I'm also a bit curious about this 'family matter' he mentions." Ranma sighed. "And I think I'm also a little homesick for Japan."

His guardian nodded and sipped his coffee. Ranma fiddled with the letter a moment before setting it aside. "Summer vacation starts next Wednesday. You can spare me?"

"Of course."

"Thank you."

"Dinner is served, sirs," the butler announced, setting a plate of veal Parmesan before Ranma. The young man murmured his thanks and starting cutting up his meal. As he ate he gave the manservant who had also been a grandfather to him the past six years a speculative look.

"You've got something like ten years of vacation time saved up," Ranma said to him. "How about spending a few weeks of it by coming to Japan with me, Alfred."

Alfred Pennyworth smiled at the youngest of his two boys. "I would be delighted, Master Ranma. That is, of course, if Master Bruce can spare me as well."

Bruce Wayne chuckled as he took another sip of coffee. "Certainly, old friend. You more than deserve a break. And maybe you'll have better lucking keeping the boy out of trouble than I do."

"What is the phrase, Master Bruce? Ah, yes – 'fat chance'."

Ranma laughed happily and settled down to the important business that was the family dinner.

* * *

Author's note – Ranma is the creation of Rumiko Takahashi. Batman is the creation of Bill Finger and Bob Kane. These properties are used without permission.

This may lead to something a bit more evolved. We'll see.


	6. Chapter 6

Anything Goes Silliness

by

Jeremy Harper

Disclaimer – Ranma ½ is the creation of Rumiko Takahashi and is used without permission.

VI

Ranma was a dead man. There was no escape this time. Any moment now hot water would improbably find him, reverting him to his true form and heralding his end. The most he could hope for was that the undertaker would be skilled enough to make his corpse presentable for an open-casket funeral. But, if by some impossible act of grace, he managed to escape unscathed, Ranma planned on celebrating the happy event by going on a murder spree.

Happosai was at the top of his list for coming up with the perverted plan Ranma had tried to thwart and for throwing the damn water that got him in this situation. One way or the other he would bring a terrible retribution down on the old freak's head. Ranma was going to punch the lech so hard he would get knocked four or five centuries back in time, where hopefully he would get trampled between two battling armies, or maybe even devoured by a rampaging youkai.

Next was Ryoga. Not that the Lost Boy was the direct cause of the current predicament, but he definitely laid the groundwork for it with his past actions. Ranma planned on beating Hibiki to a pulp, pour cold water on his broken carcass then bring the pig to Ucchan's and have Ukyo make some pork okonomiyaki.

Pops would be last – punishment for introducing Ranma to the horrors of Junsenkyo and being the ultimate source most of his problems in life. Also there was just the general principle of the thing, since Genma was an annoying old bastard and always deserved a thorough thrashing.

Yes, revenge would be sweet - if only he could somehow miraculously survive.

Ranma had to wonder, as he struggled against fate – he could see the use behind Instant Spring of Drowned Man or Woman, but what sort of moron thought Instant Spring of Drowned Black Piglet was in anyway a good idea?

"P-chan, what's wrong with you? Why are you so restless today, baby?"

"Kwee!"

Admittedly, it did feel sorta (very) nice, getting squeezed up against Akane's breasts.


	7. Titans Forever I

Anything Goes Silliness

by

Jeremy Harper

Disclaimer – Ranma ½ is the property of Rumiko Takahashi. Teen Titans is the property of DC Comics. Both are used without permission.

Note – This is a side story to Looking For Trouble. This takes place during Chapter 9, which is not yet finished, though I do hope I'll be able to complete it before the heat death of the universe. There is a very minor spoiler for that chapter.

* * *

Titans Forever I

"Hugo Strange?" asked Donna Troy.

Ranma nodded as he attacked the training dummy, making it pop and groan under the assault of a flurry of blows, finishing with a palm strike that echoed through the penthouse gymnasium. He stepped back, turning to the holographic projection of his friend and nodded. "Yup."

Donna bit her lower lip thoughtfully. "I've never encountered him. How dangerous is he?"

Ranma padded over to a wall rack and grabbed a towel. "Bad enough," he said as he wiped the sweat off his face and neck. "He's deadly smart – leaving aside his Monster Men, he's come up with some nasty tricks and devices in the past. His only upside is that he prefers to keep a low profile, only exposing himself just enough to further his projects. He could cause as much misery as the Joker or Two-Face if he ever put his mind to it."

Donna made a face. "Sounds like _lots_ of fun."

"Oh yeah," laughed Ranma with little humor. He took a swig out of a water bottle. "This is going to be a blast."

When Ranma had woken from a few hours of meditative sleep he had found that Donna had text, asking him to contact her. She had not heard from him in a couple of weeks and wanted to know how Roy's visit was going. He called her using the holographic relay, chatting and catching up with her as he went through a light morning workout. Donna was currently on Paradise Island, Diana having brought her there so the teen super-heroine could spend some of her summer vacation with their mother Hippolyta. Donna currently sat on a marble bench in the midst of a beautiful garden, surrounded by orderly displays of colorful flowers that grew nowhere else on earth – gifts to the Amazons from Demeter herself. She was dressed in a short skirted chiton and high-strapped sandals, her wealth of midnight black hair pulled up in a high ponytail. A silver tiara adorned her brow, a badge of her status as a princess of Themyscira and an heir of the Queen of the Amazons.

"Do you think you'll be able to find Strange quick?" Donna asked.

Ranma shrugged. "I hope so. Roy and I should be able to shake down a few leads today. It's possible, though, that Strange may go to ground when he hears we hit his employers' warehouse – maybe try to leave the country all together."

"In that case will you go after him?"

Ranma shook his head. "I can't – I'm here until January. No way I'm leaving Akane undefended from the Old Ghoul and her father. If Strange runs we're passing the job on to Bruce and Ollie. I hope he doesn't though. I'd really like to find out for myself why he's here in Japan."

Donna nodded with a thoughtful hum. "How's Akane doing?"

Ranma's face assumed a complicated expression. "Very well. She's a lot happier now than when I first met her, but she's getting ideas. Alfred told me last night she wants to become a super-hero."

"You don't look happy about that."

"I'm not. She's going to have enough trouble in her life with Ra's al Ghul wanting her for the League of Shadows without her actively putting herself in harm's way."

"So are you going to let her?"

Ranma sighed. "I don't know. She has too many people trying to force their will on her. But this..." He shook his head sharply. "Hopefully I can get her to reconsider."

"Good luck with that – from what you've told me about her you're going to need it."

"No doubt. What do you think about this, Donna?"

Donna shrugged her shapely shoulders. "If Akane is as talented as you says, and she truly wants to do it, I say let her. She could have far worse trainers than you and Bruce." Donna grinned. "Besides, it'd be nice to have another girl on the Titans."

Ranma rolled his eyes a little. "You're just looking for someone to distract Garfield from you."

"Yeah, right," laughed Donna. "I know that would never work – she's _your _fiancee, after all, and there's no way Beast Boy would go sniffing around your girl."

Ranma could not help blushing a little, which Donna noticed with interest and delight. There was definitely something going on there. She smiled to herself as she filed that tidbit of information away for later when she could grill Roy.

"I really would like to meet her," Donna continued. "She sounds interesting."

"I think you two would get along. She's almost as big a tomboy as you are."

Donna laughed again. "Where's Roy? I was hoping to talk with him, too. No way he's still sleeping."

"He went to Nerima with Akane. Said something about wanting to pick up something and hopefully get a chance to check on Nabiki personally."

Donna hummed again. "Tell me about her."

"Who? Nabiki?"

"Who else?"

Ranma hesitated a split-second, knowing he was about to step into perilous waters. While no longer romantically involved with him, Donna was very fond of Roy, the young archer being one of her closest friends.

Unfortunately Donna noticed Ranma's hesitation. She gave him a narrow-eyed look. "Is there a problem with her?"

"Roy doesn't have a problem with her," he hedged.

"But you seem to. Come on, Ranma – spill."

"Well... she's quite pretty," Ranma said with false brightness.

Donna rolled her eyes. "Typical. A girl's looks are always the first thing a boy talks about."

He grinned at her. "Like girls are any better about boys."

"At least we're more subtle about it," Donna said in haughty tones, then giggling at the very skeptical look on her friend's face. "You're dodging, Ranma," she said seriously.

Ranma sighed, rubbing the side of his neck. "I don't like Nabiki," he said bluntly. "She made a bad first impression, being an obvious gold digger and coming on very strong during the engagement fiasco her father and my old man dropped on me. She also has a nasty streak in her – she accused Akane of liking the attention she attracted when fighting off Kuno and those other idiots every day."

Donna's expression had grown sour, her sky-blue eyes narrowing and her lips pursed in a tight frown. Ranma gave her a direct look. "That said, it's possible there's more to her than I thought. Roy likes her, and he's not an idiot."

"Pretty faces have a way of making people's brains dribble out of their ears," Donna returned.

"Point, but Roy told me a few things he learned about Nabiki on their dates that makes me think she's perhaps not _that_ bad. She also apologized to Akane, and Akane thought she was sincere and contrite." Ranma shrugged. "I'm willing to give her a chance for now."

"Huh," muttered Donna. She looked down at her hands folded in her lap for a minute before letting out a sigh. "I'm not convinced, but I'll also concede I'm working off a knee-jerk reaction. I'll wait until I actually meet her before passing final judgment." She looked up and grinned. "Of course, if she _does_ end up screwing Roy over I won't hesitate to steal the Invisible Jet, fly to Japan and kick her skanky ass from Hokkaido to Okinawa and back again."

"That's what I love about you Amazons," Ranma drawled. "You're all so meek and forgiving."

Donna laughed as she stood up, smoothing the skirt of her chiton. "If Roy comes back in the next couple of hours have him call. It's getting late here and I'm going to have to retire soon – I'm leaving early tomorrow my time to head back to New York."

"Something going on? I thought you were going to be on Themyscira for another week."

"I've got some Titan business to attend to."

"Anything I should know about?"

"Oh, it's nothing major. A pair of teen super-heroes have appeared in Paris and they don't seem to have any adult supervision. The JLA asked that we try to liaise with them, see what's up and if they need any help. They figured that we'd be a bit less intimidating than having Superman or Green Lantern dropping in on them – let alone Batman."

Ranma snorted. "Yeah, I can imagine... Huh, Paris." For a long time super-heroes had been an American phenomenon – costume adventurers operating in other countries were still something of a rarity. "You got me curious – shoot me the files when you get the chance. You going by yourself?"

"I'm taking Wally and Garth; Garth's all healed up and itching for some field action, even if it's just hopefully a simple first contact. I'm going to try to bring Lilith as well."

"What about Beast Boy?"

"He's tied up with the Doom Patrol right now." Donna made a face. "Besides, one of the heroes is supposedly a very pretty girl, and I'd rather not scare her off by exposing her to Garfield right off the bat."

"That could be traumatic," laughed Ranma. "I'll let you go, and I'll tell Roy you'd like to talk. Good luck."

"Same to you. Miss you, Ranma."

"I miss you, too. Take care, Donna."

* * *

**End Note:** In the little canon I'm developing here, Donna is Ranma other best friend. They're very close to each other, having bonded due to their shared leadership of the Titans. It's completely platonic – they see each other as siblings. Donna is also still very close to Roy. Their break-up was amicable, both of them deciding they worked better as friends. She is, however, very protective of him, as seen here.

I wanted to have a scene with Ranma talking with one of the other Titans, but I'm not including it in the main body of chapter 9 of Looking For Trouble since I feel it would interfere with the flow of the chapter.

A nice, warm, gooey imaginary chocolate chip cookie to those who recognize the shout-out in this side story.

Thanks once again to PurseMonger for her pre-reading, advice and support.

Cheers.


End file.
